Archive for category Humor

This is MY Potato!

my-potato

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Key Words In Book Titles I Will Not Read

There are some key words in book titles that just drive me away without any further reading. If these words appear in a title, subtitle or blurb, I WILL walk away. Also, the genre is in there, too. I only read Science Fiction, military history and occasionally non-fiction. Genres that I will not read include Fantasy and the newest contender, FanFic (Fan Fiction). UGH.

Magic
Sorcerer
Crystal
Mage
Dragon
Knight

(Note: ‘Knight’ has become problematic because, Jack Campbell)

The picture on the book will also keep the book from being read. Some of those images are:

Witches/Mages/long flowing robes/knights
Horses/unicorns/dragons
Castles
Glowing crystals/balls (GLOWING BALLS?!)

(Note: DAMMIT! Another problematic image is a sword because, Michael R. Hicks)

This list is fluid and will change with time. But it’s a start…

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I Wrote An Email Today…

… to Boundless Technologies. You see, I punched one of their terminals off my desk at work and it survived. So I HAD to tell them about it. I’m silly that way… Here’s the Email:

As a Telco employee for 35+ years, I’ve been using so-called ‘dumb’ terminals for quite a while.

Yesterday, after a particularly unnerving day, I had occasion to punch an ADDS 4000/260 off of my desk and onto the floor – roughly and with great prejudice, damaging some knuckles in the process.

I am here to tell you that that machine not only survived, but it works as if NOTHING had happened!

AWE. SOME.

So, even with my advanced years and complete lack of common sense, your equipment is some of the most rugged and dependable I have worked with.

I have promised the terminal that actions such as mine are not tolerated and will never happen again. It will remain safe and sound until it retires itself.

This is my promise.

In all seriousness, THANK YOU for building such robust and rugged equipment.

Regards,

Mike Fisher

So there you have it. I was wrong. Mea Culpa. But I made it funny. I hope. -blush-

For those of you that are interested, here’s the spec sheet on the terminal in question:

TERMINAL

OMG! They ANSWERED! Here’s their response:

Michael
Thank you for the kudos! If you saw what they go through to get to our customers, you would know that that was just a love tap it experienced from you. So I guess a replacement terminal is out of the question? LOL. Thank you for the laugh.

Brenda Fultz
Sales Manager, Z-AXIS, Inc
1916 St Rte 96
Phelps, NY 14532
P: 315-548-6114

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New Story!

It’s a short story, but it needed telling. (Don’t tell Momma I posted this)

Enjoy!

http://www.mdfisher.com/story/xmas.html

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New Story!

I’ve posted a NEW STORY. This is a story about youth and the lack of common sense. A lesson in what NOT to do, if you will.

It is titled ‘Lucky, I Am‘.

Enjoy.

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‘Tis The Season

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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Understand The Scale Of Kelvin

My buddy Andy has posted some pictures of his new son, Kelvin, displaying him with some everyday Geek items to give you the scale of the (tiny) guy. Genius!

Click HERE to see it!

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My Stories!

I’m going to write up some of my more memorable stories for everyone to enjoy. I have two or three in mind already. The first one is up now. Check in every now and then and see if any new ones have been posted. Look above for the heading ‘My Stories’ and click it.

Enjoy!

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Understanding The Scale Of Kelvin

My buddy Andy has posted some pictures of his new son, Kelvin, displaying him with some everyday Geek items to give you the scale of the (tiny) guy. Genius!

Click HERE to see it!

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The Bailout Explained

Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry, son, but I have some bad news – the horse died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’

The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’

Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’

Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00.’

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He was the one who figured out how to “bail us out.”

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